Lyrics From

      The United States of America


      Volume One - The Early Years


      Stan Freberg and Billy May, 1961

      "It's A Round, Round World"

      Columbus: It's a round, round world
      It's a round, round world
      I contend it's round, and it's gonna be found
      When all the results are in
      It's a round world now and it's always been

      Ferdinand: Flat
      Flat world
      It's a flat, flat world
      I insist it's flat as a welcoming mat
      And he's sailing off the end
      How about our crazy Italian friend:

      Columbus: Friend
      Get hip, would I climb aboard this ship
      If I didn't have odds the earth was highly spherical
      Ferdinand: It's a miracle
      If it is

      Columbus: Square, square king
      You're a square, square king
      If you don't believe
      You're gonna receive
      The shock of your royal life
      When the ship pulls in at Miami...

      Crew: Yo, ho, ho and a Dramamine
      We are loyal subjects of the king and queen
      But what kind of nut would you have to be
      To borrow a ship and put out to sea
      When you don't know what's on the other side

      Columbus: Ferdinand:
      Round, round world All week long on a hardtack bun
      It's a round, round world Brother, who said getting there is
      I contend it's round Half the fun (breath)
      And it's gonna be found Give up my throne for one Navy Bean
      When all the results are in No wonder I'm turning three shades green
      It's a round world now How could I go on such a loony
      And it's always

      Columbus: Crew:
      Trip get hip, would I climb Crazy kind of scheme
      Aboard this ship It's a cockamamy dream
      If I didn't have odds If we don't sight land we're
      The earth was highly spherical gonna scream

      Ferdinand:
      It's a miracle if it is

      Columbus: Crew:
      Square, square crew Yo, ho, ho through the wind and rain
      You're a square, square crew There's a typhoon coming up
      If you don't believe But where's John Wayne?

      Columbus: Ferdinand:
      You're gonna receive I feel like a red witch
      The shock of your salty lives Having a wake
      When I take command in the How much of the ocean
      name of bit do you think I can take
      claim that land in the name
      of...

      Columbus:

      Isabella and Ferdinand Ferdinand:

      That's Ferdinand and Isabella:
      Both:

      New rulers of this round, Crew:
      round world Crazy kind of scheme
      It's a cockamamy dream
      But we hope it's a round, round
      world


      "It's A Round, Round World" (Reprise)

      Columbus: Indians:
      Round, round world Yo, ho, ho and a buckskin sleeve
      It's a newfound world Now the white man's here I guess
      And the land looks good It's time to leave
      Like a continent should But why go to war and fight like
      Complete with a flag unfurled a jerk
      Perhaps we can pick up some kind of work
      In an Indian extravaganza
      Wyatt Earp or Bonanza

      Columbus: Please don't call us, we'll call you
      Ferdinand: Step aside pal, meet the new
      Both: Big cheeses of this round, round world


      "Take An Indian To Lunch"

      Take an Indian to lunch this week
      Show him we're a regular bunch this week
      Show him we're as liberal as can be
      Let him know he's almost as good as we
      Make a feathered friend feel fed this week
      Overlook the fact he's red this week
      Let him share our Quaker Oats
      'Cause he's useful when he votes
      Take an Indian to lunch
      Two, four, six, eight, who do we tolerate
      Indians, Indians, rah; rah; rah
      Take an Indian to lunch this week
      Let him sit right down and munch this week
      Let's give in and all do the brotherhood bit
      Just make sure we don't make a habit of it
      Take an Indian to dine this week
      Show him we don't draw the line this week
      We know everyone can't be
      As American as we
      After all, we came over on the Mayflower
      Take an Indian
      Not a wooden Indian
      But a real, live Indian
      To lunch!


      "Top Hat, White Feather, And Tails"

      Put on your top hat
      White feather and tails
      Paint up your faces
      You reds and you pales
      Put on your beaded goods
      We're gonna do the woods
      Tap-dance up the hills and down the dales
      (à la Harry Richman)
      Remember thum day
      This all will be mirth (yeth thir!)
      Right here on Broadway
      Corner fifty firth (yeth thir!)
      You'll be a vital part
      Of all the terribly smart set
      In your top hat, white feather, and tails
      Dance up to your penthouse
      And look at the view
      Mix with the show folk
      And Park Avenue (yeth thir!)
      So gay and so aloof
      Name-dropping on the rooftop
      Drinking champagne by the pails...
      In your top hat, white feather, and tails!


      "A Man Can't Be Too Careful What He Signs These Days"

      Come on and put your name on the dotted line
      I gotta be particular what I sign
      It's just a piece of paper
      Just a piece of paper, that's what you say
      Come on and put your signature on the list
      It looks to have a subversive twist
      How silly to assume it
      Won't you nom de plum it today
      You're so skittish
      Who possibly could care if you do
      The un-British activities committee, that's who
      Let's have a little drink-o and fill the quill
      It sounds a little pink-o to me but still
      Knock off the timid manner
      If you want a banner to raise
      Banner to raise
      You must take a stand
      For this brave new land
      For who wants to live
      So conservative?
      I don't disagree but a man can't be
      Too careful what he signs these days


      "Everybody Wants To Be An Art Director"
      1961 original release version note

      Look at the colors you chose
      The best you could do I suppose
      A peppermint stripe with royal blue
      The same as the British colors too
      Now how will we tell whose side is who?
      Look at the colors you chose
      Why couldn't it have been puce
      Lavender over chartreuse
      Or possibly some exotic shade
      A delicate orange, mauve, or jade
      Instead of the choice that has been made
      Why couldn't it have been possibly cinnamon
      Everybody wants to be an art director
      Everybody wants to call the shots
      Everybody wants to be a flag dissector
      Changing all my stars to polka dots
      Everybody thinks that they're the final word
      On what is strictly out and what is in
      Howdja like a flag that features fleur-de-lis
      On ochre corrugated tin!


      "Everybody Wants To Be An Art Director"
      1989 extended version note

      Look at the colors you chose
      The best you could do I suppose
      A peppermint stripe with royal blue
      The same as the British colors too
      Now how will we tell whose side is who?
      Look at the colors you chose
      Why couldn't it have been puce
      Lavender over chartreuse
      Or possibly some exotic shade
      A delicate orange, mauve, or jade
      Instead of the choice that has been made
      Why couldn't it have been possibly cinnamon
      Everybody wants to be an art director
      Everybody wants to call the shots
      Everybody wants to be a flag dissector
      Changing all my stars to polka dots
      Everybody thinks that they're the final word
      On what is strictly out and what is in
      Howdja like a banner made of pea-green spots
      On simulated leopard skin
      Or possibly a flag that features fleur-de-lis
      On ochre corrugated tin!


      "So Long, Friend..."

      So long, friend
      We have come to the end
      Of the battle that we all deplore
      That highly military
      Script by Dore Schary
      Revolutionary War.

      All lyrics from The United States Of America, Vol. 1: The Early Years Copyright© 1961, 1964 Freberg Music Corp. 1961 Copyright Renewed. All Rights Reserved.



      Lyrics From

      The United States Of America

      Volume Two - The Middle Years


      Stan Freberg and Billy May, 1996

      "Madison, Jefferson, Franklin & Osbourne"

      I'm Madison
      I'm Jefferson
      I'm Franklin
      I'm Osbourne
      Advertising men are we
      We said we're Madison
      We're Jefferson
      We're Franklin, we're Osbourne
      Advertising men are we
      We've got a new all new campaign
      We're gonna put it on the train
      And see if it gets off
      If it gets off
      If it gets off--if it gets off
      At Washington D.C.!


      "America! America!"

      What is the place
      Where the good guys all live?
      Why that's America! America!
      Stand up and give three cheers to
      That country
      To whom the bad guys all lose
      Why that's America! America!
      Have you heard the news?
      That's the lucky place where any resident
      Can grow up to be President
      Unless he's Landon or Dewey
      Or Humphrey or Mondale
      But what the hey, the U.S.A.
      Is still okay in our book, 'cause we'll have
      Government and attitude
      And billboards and junk food
      And justice and five-cent cigars
      Come to America! America!
      America! America!
      It's good luck even with thirteen stars!!


      "America! America!" (Reprise)

      What is the place where the
      Good guys all live?
      Why that's America! America!
      Stand up and give three cheers for
      That country to whom the
      Bad guys all lose
      Why that's America! America!
      Have you heard the news?
      That's the lucky place where any resident
      Can grow up to be President
      Or just choose whatever
      He wants or she wants to be
      That's why we say, the U.S.A.
      Is still okay in our book
      But just remember you can't
      Always take it for granted
      Be glad that you're living
      Where peace still sings
      Here in America! America!
      America! America!
      The one great nation where freedom rings!


      "Rumplemeyer's Horseshoes"

      Rumplemeyer's horseshoes
      Are the best you can use
      What so proudly he's nailed
      Onto all kinds of horses
      Whose broad backs and bright eyes
      As they smile in their stalls
      Give proof through the night
      That they wear Rumplemeyer's
      Ask the horse who owns one
      He'll say son of a gun
      Rumplemeyer's horseshoes
      Are by me number one
      That's Rumplemeyer's horseshoes
      Spelled R-u-m-p-l-e Meyer's
      Twenty seven Chestnut Street!
      Ask for Harry or Dave!!


      "Show Folk"

      Some people enjoy...
      Splitting rails
      Hammering nails
      Blazing trails
      This all fails to delight me
      Some folks seek employment in banks
      But no thanks
      For the ranks of the banks
      Don't excite me
      Top executive jobs they may pursue
      There's just one thing that I'm born to do!
      I want to be where the spotlight
      And the curtain is
      Just look for me where the limelight
      That for certain is
      It doesn't matter if it's Broadway or it's
      Hoboken, 'cause I'm show folk all the way
      I'll do the part that is arty
      And ethereal
      I'll do the smart, or the not so hot
      Material
      It doesn't matter if it's Shakespeare or it's
      Pure hoke, because I'm
      Show folk all the way
      Let me play all parts
      There are no small parts
      Only small actors my friend
      I'll play a death scene
      That big Macbeth scene
      Or just the second witch from the end
      I'll do a bit on a showboat or a ship to Rome
      I'll play a split week in Muncie or the Hippodrome
      I'll keep on smiling 'cause I know the show may
      Go broke, because I'm
      Show folk all the wayyy
      Don't want to fly to the moon
      Or be a steel tycoon
      Or President of the U.S.A.
      Just wanna be show folk
      Those inner glow folk
      Because I'm show folk all the way!!


      "Show Folk" (Reprise)

      Don't want to be employed
      As a Sigmund Freud
      Or president of the A.M.A.
      I just wanna be show folk
      Those ego-go folk
      Those dynamo folk
      Those tappy toe folk
      We just want to be show folk


      "Shoot If You Must"

      M is for the many things I don't like
      Overkill is one of them my dear
      T is for the train which I intend to grab
      H is for the head which I revere
      Did you sayyyyy
      Shoot if you must
      You are kidding, I trust
      Joan of Arc or Molly Pitcher I'm not
      What's more the war's in the bag
      And you've got a spare flag
      But this is the only old gray head I've got
      Shoot he will do
      When I throw him the cue
      And since when is getting clobbered a thrill
      A hero I'd like to be
      But not posthumously
      Who needs to get bumped off
      In their window sill
      I hear Stonewall Jackson's
      Hostile through and through
      If the truth were known he
      Hates his mother too
      Just to stay alive
      Is this poor mother's goal
      But who says Stonewall Jackson
      Practices gun control!
      (Did you say)
      Shoot if you must
      You are kidding, I trust
      Go and book some other woman I pray
      I've got a daughter and son
      I've just had my hair done
      And brother on top of that it's Mothers Day!
      Why should I become a sitting duck
      What's the percentage brother in that?
      Go get some other patsy who won't mind a
      Big fat hole in her hat! 'Cause this is my
      Only old gray head
      Call the D.A.R. instead
      And let them salute while they holler
      Shoot if you must!


      "As Long As You're Up"

      As long as you're up
      Get me a blast!
      I must confess, under duress
      I like to be gassed
      Let other gen'rals trudge
      Sober as a judge
      Boy this is the only
      Way to fly!
      Pursuing the South
      Over the hills
      Fearless and brave, minus a shave
      And crocked to the gills!
      A half a fifth I know
      Ought to take Shiloh, so--
      As long as you're up, get me a blast!


      "A Sober Life's A Hard Life"

      A sober life's a hard life
      The sort of a life with which I've clashed
      For though I sympathize with tem'prance
      There's a lot to be said for being smashed!
      It helps to lubricate things
      Like, for example, civil wars!
      You can have the dry life
      Brother this is my life
      Open wide the tavern dooooors!


      "Perseverance"

      How did the man who lit up America do it?
      What incandescent quality led the man to it?
      What drove him day and night
      Till finally he saw the light?
      And what refused to let that man give up?
      Why it was...
      Perseverance, ya gotta have
      Perseverance, don't let yourself
      Be swayed by negative thoughts
      Or interference, once the
      Good lord has given you
      The inspiration my friend, you gotta have
      Perseverance to the end!!
      When inspiration drives you
      Ya gotta keep goin'
      Keep that creative fountainhead
      Open and flowin'
      At moments you must admit
      You feel like you want to quit
      But what's that thing that sees you through it all?
      Why it's just...
      Perseverance etc., etc.


      "Planned Obsolescence"

      Things were meant to burn out
      Things were meant to wear out
      Things were meant to break down
      Try and wear a pair out
      They think they're stocking up
      When they've got three or four
      Before they turn around
      They need a dozen more!
      Planned obsolescence
      There is the essence
      Of the American way of making things
      Schlocky kind of breaking things
      Bang! Clang! Crash! Smash!
      Clunk! Junk! Fizzle!
      Conking out according to some master plan
      Go try and beat the system if you can!
      Things were meant to burn out
      Things were meant to crunch out!
      Things were meant to fall down
      Try and wear a bunch out
      You make it seem to be quite sturdy whereupon
      You take your cue from things
      That say "Made in Taiwan"!!
      Planned obsolescence!
      There is the essence
      Of the American way of making things
      Schlocky kind of breaking things!
      Bang! Clang! Crash! Smash!
      Clunk! Junk! Fizzle!
      Conking out according to some master plan
      Go try and beat the system if you
      Try and beat the system if you
      Try and beat the system if you cannn!!


      "U-Boat"

      Kaiser Bill, you dirty guy
      We're glad you're not our ally
      And if you wanna know what we think
      There are nicer enemies than...
      U-boat! U-boat!
      Why don't you act like a true boat?
      Slipping around beneath the surface
      Don't you realize that makes us nerfous!!


      "The Guns Of August"

      The guns of August were a whole lot louder
      Than the guns of June or July
      It was a lousy month in Broadway's eyes
      But it was mem'rable ballistics-wise
      When they issued the Yanks
      Their leggings and tanks
      They should have issued them earplugs too
      Because the...
      Guns of August were a whole lot louder
      Than the guns of June or Julyyyy


      "Hello, Peace, Hello"

      This was the war to end all wars
      Hello, peace, hello
      Hostilities will be no more
      Hello, peace, hello
      No more bombs now up in the sky
      'Cause everything is apple pie!
      Totalitarianism goodbye!
      Hello, peace, hello
      Tyranny now will terminate
      No further seeds will germinate
      The world has learned that it's
      Naughty to hate
      Hello, peace
      Nice to see ya, peace!
      Hello, peace, helloooooo


      "There'll Never Be Another War"

      There'll never be another war, no, no!
      There'll never be another war
      No more boom boom or rat-a-tat now
      All the world will be "just like that" now
      Hit us with the olive bough, wow! Wow!
      There's nothing more but peace in store
      There'll be no hating or despising
      No more mobilizing
      Bloodshed or oppression
      Toodle-oo aggression
      Take it from me, brother
      Trust me on it, mother
      There'll never be another warrrrr

      All lyrics from The United States Of America, Vol. 2: The Middle Years Copyright © 1964, 1996 Freberg Music Corp. All Rights Reserved.

      All Selections © 1996 Freberg Music Corp. ASCAP

      *****
      Photographs on this page courtesy of Eric's Gallery of Stan Freberg Pictures


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